Shallow or Honest?

 

For anyone that is single in their 30’s dating is a minefield and for me you need to be resilient to survive, but as we get older do we get colder, less romantic and more resistant to letting someone into our lives?

In some ways I think I am more relaxed, I am less fussed about their career, what car they drive (as long as they have one!), how much they earn, or even if they have children. Now I am more focused in if they are driven about something, if they can deal with my pets, and if we have the same outlook on life. These new standard feels nice, and feels like I am growing up. It more about compatibility than looks… or is it?

So let me tell you about ‘C’ as we will call him. C was driven, enthusiastic, busy, loved the pets and was willing to drive the distance to come and see me. Okay C may have had a few of his own issues, but hey who doesn’t.

There was one drawback C was short.

Like my height short, and slim, the only way I can describe him was petite. Hmmmm how to play this, we went on a date, well a dog walk on the beach, we got on well and laughed and joked and when I left I asked myself the ‘is there a spark?’ question. The answer? maybe. So when he contacted me a few days later keen for a date two I told myself to go with it, date two became date three and date three date four, this time we chose to go to the Zoo. Now all through these dates we got on well, it was comfortable and nice. All positive? Yes, but not two words you would use for a budding romance, but he kept asking and I kept obliging.

Now at the Zoo I caught sight of our reflection next to each other, now for those of you who read my blog, you know I have some issues around how I look, but that aside we looked odd, and quite frankly he looked skinny and I looked huge in comparison, I felt my already unfluttering heart sink. Then there was the prospect of date five, and potentially sex, without being to graphic the logistics of it worried me. He was slim and I felt massive already, how on earth would that work in the bedroom? plus with someone who was that petite would I find him naked appealing?

I summary I didn’t find out. Sorry! The day after the Zoo date he called and told me he wasn’t really feeling it. Inside I was relieved like a massive exhale of breath. Outside I was composed and thanked him for his honesty. He seemed surprised I was so cool about it and I took the lead in wishing him all the best and ended the conversation.

So am I still shallow? maybe!… but something just has to click physically and in this case it just didn’t. There was no tears, no forcing things to work, just two people being honest wishing each other the best and walking away… Maybe I have grown up after all?

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