One step at a time

So I’ve had three personal training sessions and he’s away on holiday, so it is me on my own trying to make a difference. I’m nervous but it is a good test really. I’ve arrange to meet a friend at the gym and take it from there.

I’m not sure really what I am nervous about as I sit in my gym kit typing away. I guess it’s just about going in there, finding the changing rooms (I’m already changed) to lock my stuff away and then take a deep breath and just go in.

It’s strange how these anxieties creep up on us. I’ve always loved the gym after I had got over my anxieties the first time at 18.5 stone and deeply unhappy. I remember meeting my first personal trainer shaking and trying to hold back the tears, 2 trainers later and it is slightly easier. I also recall vividly buying 3/4 leggings as lets face it, it’s just too hot to work out in tracksuit bottoms, I remember standing in front of the mirror for about 30 minutes in tears, debating if I could wear them into the gym or not because of how I looked.

I have come a long way since then, now I can wear 3/4 leggings while at the gym or working out, digging the allotment etc and I don’t really care. However the anxiety about walking through those doors and finding a machine just still seems huge. I want it to feel easy, like a second home I can turn to for comfort to express, frustration, anger, sadness for a way to be out of the house, as a safe place away from my troubles and home, where everything but me gets left at the door. It all starts with one step…

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