Well it’s almost 7pm and I wont lie, I want to eat EVERYTHING. My stomach feels like it is cramping a little, not uncomfortably so but not a pleasant feeling and certainly not the wonderful empty feeling that people report.
I’ve also realised how much I think about food, and how easily amplified it can be when you are not eating it. Even TV sitcoms I have watched to distract me seem to be based around eating out, or a pizza or chinese takeaway. I thought I would be relieved that I didn’t have to feel bound by food choices, but it’s quite the opposite.
What I wouldn’t do right now for a chinese or some cheesy chips, my mouth is salivating at the thought.HOWEVER I keep telling myself I cannot fail on day one, plus with all the shocking feedback from the Health Assessment today can I really be wanting food above my own health and wellbeing!?
The scary part is part of me says ‘Sod it, what does one more pizza matter’ but the reality is it does as that is how I ended up so unhappy before.
The funny thing is sometimes I do go for long periods of time without eating, if I am busy at work or oddly if I am feeling really low I can have a tendency not eat as a form of ‘self punishment’. Not healthy but the truth, but as I am neither the hunger monster is raging. I’ve also realised I associate the TV with food. Not only is it portrayed often on TV people eating takeaways etc. but as I live alone I will eat dinner in front of the TV too, subconsciously associating the TV with food. I wonder if I would eat quite so much if I ate at the dining table with the TV off?
So at the end of day one I’m struggling more than I ever thought I would. even though I thought the shocking health assessment would give me renewed dedication. Perhaps it shows to me that my relationship with food is even more complex than I had originally thought.
Lets see what Day 2 brings, I am hoping as I have family visiting that it will help distract me from the ‘boredom of eating’.