So I’ve been sick, you know with that gross cold flu bug thing, that starts off as a cough and slowly eats into an ache in your bones and then a temperature and then your ears block up and then the nose runs and then you start writing your last will and testament and moping generally… Well that’s been me.
And when I’m sick, I mull things over and that’s either good or very bad. Now last weekend I was away with friends and I ended up at a castle watching jousting, all fun and games you say? and it was it really was until the end when one of the knights (literally in shining armour) got down and proposed to his girlfriend there in the sun in front of everyone. it was romantic, it was beautiful and I honestly could have cried.
Now bear with me here, as the leaking from my eyes would be for one of two reasons, firstly I was glad there was some romance on this forsaken planet. That this dear sweet kind loving non commitmentphobic man felt that he was able to profess his love for his partner in such a way to declare in front of a large crowd of the unknown public that he wished to marry and spend the rest of his life with her. (all whilst wearing shiny armour!!) Miracles do exist.
Secondly I was a little sad for myself – as the night before I had released yet another nuttier I had attracted into myself into the wilderness. For today we will call him G – a man who seemed to suggest that he was high sexual (a good thing in my book) but also liked submissive women (bear with me here) as he enjoyed choking them in bed… Just no… I’m sorry but I can understand him perhaps enjoying the light-headed feeling that can get from lack of air etc but to get your sexual kick by hitting a choking your partner… for me that’s abuse. Where do these men think that it’s perfectly normal to expect a potential partner to discuss or be okay with that.
If I’m frank and honest I’m concerned respect has gone. Men seem to think its okay to discuss the size of my breasts with me when I’ve met them the once, or to ask what positions I like in bed when I’m still deciding if I fancy them! what happened to getting to know someone, what drives them (though with these men I think its obvious) their hopes, their ambitions their dreams, because clearly they aren’t interested in mine.
So after releasing G back into his possessive Neanderthal abusive world again I sat there and felt sorry for myself (the cold didn’t help). I wondered why…. why do I get down about being single? I don’t have an inherent belief that I’m cursed or doomed to be single forever, I also don’t really mind being on my own.
I worked out that in fact I’m not down about being single I’m just impatient and sadly when I’m impatient I look to force to change thing rather than allow them to happen naturally. Enter Nutter Stage Right. I do believe there is someone out there for me but he’s obviously busy doing something, hopefully sorting his life out achieving his goals whatever they might be, so while he’s busy doing that, why am I moaning around waiting when I could be getting on with mine?
It’s not like my time will never come, it’s just not yet that’s all…. and you know what as I look at my massive list of goals that I want to achieve which are completely unrealtionship related, I’m actually okay with that.